The ending of a new beginning

Im still trying to come to terms with the fact that a whole year is over by tomorrow.
It felt like just yesterday I was back at high school giving my final exams , putting up a farewell show with the class, getting ready for prom, getting over stupid mishaps and breakups.
Time flew by real quick this year.
I just hope next year I have time to grasp each moment and live it to the fullest.

Happy new years to everyone :)

Lesson #1

Oh how much I miss friends :')

Ten seasons of joey and chandler jokes cannot compare to any other show.

Life aint a lemon drop blondie

So you've been probably wondering why I havent been writing for a while ?
Well I felt these 2 weeks I'd show my appreciation and love for tumblr so instead of writing long posts that drag on, I'd just sum it up with an image.

I'll be back to writing soon..
x

Happiness dont come easy.

Happy birthday Ali boooyss !

Aliakbaaaar the dramaqueeen & Aliasgaaaar my retard/creep and best friend ofcouursee <3

LOVEYOUTWO.

Oh how I love disney movies :)

Dont even think about it.

Last night

 I Love these boys (L)
Our TVD Xmas special.

Coldplay on NYE !

IM SUPER EXCITED FOR COLDPLAY ON NYE ! Fhywisnhdksdnfikedksfijdnhfgm
Cannot express the happiness.
But but I hope its going to be as good as im picturing it to be =D
26 days and counting.

The one that got away

Get your heart broken once, and you're never the same again. I know that it hurts, I know that it feels like the end of the world.. But we all have to go through it at some point in our lives.
You know why? Because it makes you a better, stronger person.
You're learning so much without even realising it. You're going to come out of this , I promise.
You just have to follow the golden rules :
Dont contact them.
Stop waiting for them to come back (If they do, cross that bridge only then).
Get sociable.
Smile.
And if they caused you trouble , Don't for the life of you let them see that it got to you.

Peace. 

Hurting.

I hate love, its a painful torture. Beautiful or not, it hurts. Day after day sticking by someone who only cares when they want too. Feeling so low because the little things they do hurt so much. The little things can have a big impact on a person's heart. 
How do you know when someone truly loves you? Truth is, you dont.
You have to hope they do , because you never truly understand what someone is feeling.
I dont want you to leave, people always leave.
I hope you wake up one day and it suddenly hits you , That there wasnt anyone who loved you as much as I loved you.
But I'm not bitter anymore because I know what we had was real. 

Whatever floats your boat

WAVE RUNNERS

                                              These 4-The people who made it possible to win <3

Go lankaa go !

I had the most amazing time at the grounds last friday :)
Although we dint achieve victory , it was definitely worth going there and cheering my ass of.
It was literally like a mini srilanka out there, when I was standing in the podium there with the rest of the crowd I was overwhelmed by the numerous supporters .
It was craaaaazy. Met new people, talked, laughed, danced the night away.
One of those good days.
Peace.

Long gone and moved on

When's the day you start again
And when the hell does you'll get over it begin
I'm looking hard in the mirror
But I don't fit my skin
It's too much to take 
It's too hard to break me
From the cell I'm in 

Oh from this moment on
I'm changing the way I feel yeah
From this moment on 
It's time to get a real

Cause I still don't know how to act
Don't know what to say
Still wear the scars like it was yesterday
But you're long gone and moved on
Cause you're long gone 
But I still don't know where to start, still finding my way
Still talk about you like it was yesterday
But you're long gone and moved on
But you're long gone, you moved on

So how'd you pick the pieces up yeah
I'm barely used to saying me instead of us
The elephant in the room keeps scaring off the guests
It gets under my skin to see you with him
And its not me that you're with

Oh from this moment on
I'm changing the way I feel yeah
From this moment on 
It's time to get a real
Cause I still don't know how to act
Don't know what to say
Still wear the scars like it was yesterday
But you're long gone and moved on
Cause you're long gone 
But I still don't know where to start, still finding my way
Still talk about you like it was yesterday
But you're long gone and moved on
But you're long gone, you moved on

No I can't keep thinking that you're coming back
No
Cause I got no business knowing where you're at
No
And its gonna be hard yeah
Cause I have to wanna heal yeah
And its gonna be hard yeah
The way I feel that I have to get real

Its a shame I cant make it for the script day after : (

Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true.
Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts.
Everyone gets these things confused with love.
But in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.

Weak at heart.

I'll take you with all that you are.
With all your complications,
Your pain,
Your secrets,
Your past,
Your longings,
And dreams..

I will take you completely.
Without exemptions.

My lovelies (:

THESEEE TWOOOO <3

well, lets just say I cant live without them.

okaycool.

Heart's Desire

"You cant always get what you want , But sometimes if you try, you might find that you get what you need. "

Loving someone never needed any reason.
Your heart warms up for the little things they say, plastering that smile on your face , filling you with content.
Yes, feelings change overtime but its worse when the person changes with it.
One second they're so clear about their feelings towards you, the next .. its all a blur.
Where did all that cheap talk go off  to now?
Fear love. It breaks you or it makes you.
But either way it never lasts for a lifetime.

Its funny how love's so unpredictable.
Fear your heart's desire , for it will only bring regrets or mistakes in the love you fought for.

" Moving on may not be necessarily easy but it’s an important part of regaining the ability to take a step forward from pain and begin living again."

The bigger picture

" We met , We talked , and it was epic, But the sun came up and reality set in. "

Its funny how love works. The overwhelming feeling you get around that person and the constant thoughts and dreams.
Have you ever begun to wonder if that was all just stupid things we did when we were kids in love ?
We've yet to know what love truly means .
Easy to throw around , Hard to take back .
As an individual I believe we all make stupid mistakes. But the most stupidest mistake is believing we know what love is.
The world is a huge place.
Dreams dont come true , We regret , We forgive , We forget , We cry , We laugh , We smile , We live , We die.
But what is it all for ? No one but YOURSELF.
If you think your in love/are in love/ feel like your going to be in love. Take this. You dont need love to survive in this big world.
Sure love from your friends and family, but you dont need to fall in love.
Your only beginning to live.
Believe it.

1000 hits !

WOOOOOOOOOOT .
1000.
Ive hardly written lately but nevetheless, thankyou readers and whoever's stumbled across my blog. I dont know if you enjoyed reading every post of mine but still lots of loveeesss <3

I'll try being more prompt in updating it.
Till next time viewers..
Ciao ;D

Last friday night

Worst.Night.Ever.

My drinking days are over. Word.
but I dont know what I would've done without my friend's there to help mee  (teeeegan & amaar <3)

I'd rather not post much on this topic , like to keep it closed and never look back at that day :)

Starting new

With school over for good now, IM STARTING UNIII IN A MOOOOOOONTH =D

excited doesnt sum up what I feel. Ive been looking forward to uni for a while nooow
Even though its not where I expected. I was supposed to go to UK but I guess i can deal with what I have now.
Ive learnt to appreciate what I get and Im sure something will work out later and I'll go, till then no hopes up high : )

I starting writing another book just recently, and ive been occupying myself by reading alot too. I dont know, the writing helps me vent my feelings and I enjoy doing it .. Until ofcourse I get sidetracked and run out of a proper plot to continue

which is exactly what happened to me last time and I gave up on that book eventually. But I wrote a complete cliche before, im trying to make this new book something better and based on me in a few parts.

This summer has been quite eventful even though its coming to an end.

Im not going to say I enjoyed every day of it, there were some not-so-great days where I just stayed in or my mood wasnt lifted but all in all I enjoyed this summer more than I did last summer atleast

In two weeks , my brother's departing to uni as well to UK.

I really am going to miss him, but life goes on.

18 years of being around him. cant blame me ?

He can be a jerk sometimes, but I know he always watches out for me nevertheless.

I know im going to feel it once he leaves, for now I still get annoyed by his presence. And im certainly not looking forward to that day in 2 weeks time.

Ofcourse he'll come back for holidays for a week or two but for the rest of the next 4 years he wont be around.

However annoying is , family always means the most and he's the only guy who wont EVER let me down , for that I love him very much.Word.

eid is sooooooooooon =D WHICH MEANS SWIMMING IN CAASHH. fhwidjksmdowmfks

till next time viewers..

INTRODUCING SHIRLEY : The girl I extremely hate and love :D

DONE
I LOVE SHIZRLEY
SHES THE BEST
I LOVE HEZR
I WISH I WAS LIKE HEZR (i wrote this Shirley)

What are words if you really dont mean them when you say them ?

I know I've been M.I.A for a while. No excuses.

But its not easy blogging through a blackberry ( ah yes I finally managed to get my hands on one after persuading my parents )

But im here now, blogging :)

When times get tough, we resort to cutting everything and anyone from our lives.
To move on.

To not bother explaining.

To just be alone.

but all we need is that someone coming and telling us, " I know you're not fine but know that im always here for you and i'll make you feel fine again, I promise "

Ha, if only that were how it worked out everyday in our loves how much easier things would be.

But without fights, hardships, losses and breakups , how are we ever going to know the bad? The good is deceiving sometimes. You believe what you want to see and not what you're given.

Dont over analayze situations.

If he/she doesnt like  you or if its not working out the right thing to do is move on.

Just stop asking yourself questions like : Where did I go wrong? Should I talk to him or call him and ask him whats wrong ? Should I wait for him to? Should I just find someone new now ?

Change is constant. You dont get what you want when you want it.
You get it when you deserve it.

Dont be dissapointed if the universe doesnt show you signs, its only waiting for something better out there to reveal to you later.

He might have said I love you and I'll never forget you. But we all throw around those words so easily these days it doesnt even mean as much as it did anymore. We're too young to know what love is.

Love is a great thing, once its proved one day. Until then its just words.

And who's to know you might not be the only one he's saying it to?

Dont attach yourself to one person your whole life, it gets so much harder when they leave.

Dont say it if you dont mean it.

Cause What are words if you really dont mean them when you say them ?

Doomsday arrives

Getting shipped to srilanka soooooon.
Its all good.

"If you could go back and just change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing? Just one moment. One moment that you’ve always wanted back."

Beautiful lie

"When you’re young everything feels like the end of the world. But it’s not; it’s just the beginning. You might have to meet a few more jerks, but one day you’re gonna meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Like the sun rises and sets with you."

Big or small , lies are lies. You dont think what you're doing before you do it and end up hurting people who trusted you the most. why do you do that when they trusted you with all they've got ?

it gives them a reason to never trust you again. We all make our fare share of mistakes but the fact that you knew what you were doing wrong and you still continued and did it anyway makes it completely all your fault. And hiding it away because your're afraid if you come out with it you'll will either never be forgiven or you'll just end up with a long line of haters ? Well I believe you deserve that.

You dont mess with more than one person. thats just not cool.

But they'll never understand how much it actually hurts us girls. Heartless bastards 8-)

Built To Last

When we first talked to each other
I knew we would always be friends.
Our friendship has kept on growing
And I'll be here for you to the end.

You listen when I have a problem
And help dry the tears from my face.
You take away my sorrow
And put happiness in its place.

We can't forget the fun we've had
Laughing 'til our faces turn blue.
Talking of things only we find funny
People would think we're insane-If they only knew!

I guess this is my way of saying thanks
For catching me when I fall.
Thanks once again for being such a good friend
And being here with me through it all.

Something I can never have

I want what I can never have with him.

I want to be more than just friends.

I want to know he'll always be there for me.

I want to know hes missing me just the way I miss him everday.

I want to know he's wanting just what I want.

But alas its just a summer love..

Home

It felt so good as the flight descended on the grounds of dubai. I couldnt contain my smile =D

I wanted to keep it under the radar to suprise my friend, naksh on her birthday buut that was a fail. I just ended up making a plan with her and we spent the day catching up.
Ive missed a month , and i couldnt be happier to be back.
But now ramadan begins.
So if you dont hear from me for a while , its because i'll be hibernating like a bear in my room mostly everyday.

Here's to catching up and camwhoring <3

Goodbye

" After a while, You'll learn the difference betwen holding a hand and falling in love.

You begin to learn that kisses dont always mean something.

Promises can be broken, just as quick as they are made.

And sometimes Goodbyes really are Forever.''

There comes a point where you miss someone so much that you can hear their voice echo in your head. And you can hear the names that they used to call you, the words they used to tell you. You memorized their laugh, their smile, & their silly ways. You can also feel their arms around you & you don’t want to let go even though you know it’s just an illusion.

Every time your phone rings, you smile because it’s them that’s calling. Every time you hear their name, your heart beats 100 times faster and sometimes, you can’t even breathe. You knew that looking back on the tears would make you laugh, but you never knew that looking back on the laughs would also make you cry. All you want is to go back in time. Not to the time that you first met, to the time that you were known as nothing, but strangers. But no matter what, you’re in denial. You hide your feeling so no one would know. You put on a fake smile and don’t let a single tear break through. You’re so used to hiding your feelings that you don’t even realize the pain you’re causing for yourself. Your thoughts becomes invisible.

 It’s still there, but no ones knows.

Like a love letter you didn’t slow.

And you’re hurting no one but yourself.

A close friend of mine always referred to the pain in love as a tooth that has just been pulled out.

Because he has been a major part of your life, of course you’ll miss him; it’s perfectly normal. It’s like getting a tooth pulled out; after the dentist pulls it out you’re relieved. But how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day.Just because it was hurting you does not mean you don’t notice it. It leaves a gap, & sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take awhile, but it takes time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you pain. Pulling the tooth was the right decision, but it’s going to hurt.

 I think everyone has a certain part of their lives where they truly wish they could just freeze time. Whether it was three years ago, today, or still to come, whether it was just a moment, a whole day, or a whole summer. Everyone has a time in their life where they wish everything would just stop. The world would stop turning & people would stop changing. because to them, at that time, everything was perfect.

Maybe not everything is supposed to last forever? So its time to let go..

Camwhoring session 2

 

Bruised and scarred

Some wounds take longer to heal than others. You know how they say when something bad happens , something good always comes along.. well im starting to doubt the good part cause all I seem to be experiencing is the negative and trust me, it sucks. Karma is it? Well whatever it is Ive lost all hope cause of it.

And with every day I feel even worse. To jump out of bed and drag my feet , felt so easy to do earlier cause I knew i had something to look forward to, I Knew my day was going to go well cause I was going to MAKE it go well either way. I was filled with a surge of postivity but now, its just not like that anymore.

I drag my feet, get out of bed for the fuck of it. I dont look forward to another lonely day..

' I was alone in the dark and the fear was my truth'

Recovery

"The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries. And it's not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it. Some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It's like you haven't recovered anything at all. You're a whole new person with a whole new life."

Brrrr.

I just had the best 4 days in the outskirts of srilanka with friends and family !

Poker nights, horse riding, walks in the morning and nights , late night movies and room service , sightseeing, hiking, mountain biking , midnight swims and soooo much more ! The place we visited was called Nuwaraeliya and it was so beautiful, the peaceful serenity and the cold weather made it even better. It was more like winter cause it was around 17-18 degrees there but I loved it either way.

There were so many other places to see but unfortunately we dint have time , but I still had fun =D

mini videoooo of all the places coming up sooooon.

Rainy days

You know how they say when you're taking a shower, the journey in the car/bus/plane and staying in on a rainy day are the times you ponder on life and make life decisions or think about things you kept locked up inside your head for a while? Well all of that is so true. I speak for myself lying on this bed under the duvet with a cup of hot chocolate to warm myself up on a rainy day.
Im not really making life decisions but yes dwelling on some old memories.
Reminiscing sometimes suck but can sometimes bring back a smile to your face just thinking about all the good times you've been through and not just the bad.
I know i've had alot of warm memories since last year, last year was a good year for so many reasons I'd rather not mention but this year is just a better year. EVEN with all the ups and downs, successes and failures, losses and gains Im still here standing through it all, whether alone or with my friends by my side.
truly, we all need our friends when times get hard but sometimes you know that you should trust no one but yourself.
Ive learnt not to depend on anyone anymore but yes, there are those few I lean on for support when times get hard cause they're always there to put that smile back on my face :)
Well what im trying to say is, thank you, to each and every one of those people who have been able to do that. I would love to start mentioning names but that'd take a whole list to do. so you all know who YOU are , need I mention <3
Its just nice to know there are some willing to sacrifice anything to just be there for you. And if that's not the case then they were never really there for you, it was just a show case they put up to seek attention and show that they were the better friend to you when really, they weren't.
I like to relate to this quote from grey's anatomy:

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."

The storm has hit

The all rising new band with the most dedicated singer ive looked up to as an idol. Even after his fallout in his career after a tragic incident where he ended up serving almost 2 and a half years in prison, now he's back and better than ever ! Its time to finally hear some REAL music =D
And the wait was definitely worth it!
Check out some of their music on this youtube chanel : http://www.youtube.com/user/xXBulletKillBreXx

Some serious camwhoring before the wedding =O

For all you lip virgins out there !

"For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything."

I wear a halo when you look at me

The red doesnt show btw hadee =P
it totally shines in the light though. Teehee.
Camwhoring ftw !

I was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings

Its so funny how one person can mean so much to you. But in their eyes you're just another friend, nothing more, nothing less. And what can you do to change that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
You just sit around and watch them live their perfect life while yours is falling apart.
You try to fill in the emptiness by someone else's presence or either a distraction but in time, even that wears off and what are you left with? back to square one again.
Misery.
Grief.
Sorrow.
Pain.
Hatred.
Any of those words seem familiar at this point ?

Unfortunately life doesnt come with a set of instructions and the directions to follow it or solutions to fix it. Whatever happens, happens.
We either run away from the face of  truth and reality or look it in the eye and say ' get the fuck out of my way, im trying to live my life! '
Giving up? thats not an option either but one can only hurt so much and in the end it seems worthless if you dont get the result or feedback you were expecting.
It takes time to move on. Its hard and its frustrating so we just let our guard down and decide to wrap it all up and give up.
Feels like im letting go.
But we'll get through this, You and I (L)
Cause no matter how much we want to give up on life, there's one thing I wont give up on ; You my friend.

When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you

When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless
When you try to speak but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you

I will stay
Nobody will break you

Trust in me, trust in me
Don't pull away
Just trust in me, trust in me
Cause I'm just trying to keep this together
Cause I could do worse and you could do better

Tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you.

In the pain there is healing..

Alcohol's my new best friend this summer.

Pain.

“Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.” - Grey's Anatomy

No matter how many times you tell yourself you're over it, that aching pain is still going to be there. How do you tell the wrong from the right? How do you know what your doing is wrong or right? are we made to function in a specific way? I dont think so.
Its okay to hurt. Its okay to feel.
But what isnt so okay is forgiving and forgetting.
Yes, sometimes that might be advisable to avoid a dispute or just to put an end to a very long worthless fight.
But sometimes its not easy to forget. We cant make ourselves forget no matter how much we want to.
And forgiving. Well, thats a whole different story.
Are you forgiving cause you sincerely mean it?
Are you forgiving to put a stop to it?
Are you forgiving cause you have no other choice?
Are you forgiving cause you're afraid to lose that someone?
Or are you forgiving cause you just dont want to believe it ever happened?
Its not an option to forgive and forget, its a choice we make.
we make that choice for the better or for the worse.

Sometimes its not the matter of if you want to or not, its that you CAN'T.
You just cant make yourself forget that horrible memory or infact forgive that person after what they've done to you.
Yes, it may seem more mature to move the hell on and forget about it all. But we all have our own ways of getting over something and moving on.
And thats when I come to my conclusion readers.
Two words.
FUCK IT.
and drink to that =D

My turtle-to-be

Isnt it adorable? =D

Dedication #1

Okay so, I've promised a million and one people to dedicate some posts on my blog for them but im going to start off with one of my favourite peeeople :*

HADEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (L)
He.be.the.best.
Bio mock preparation was truly epic with you , Hahahah THOSE DARN GRAPH QUESTIONS.
anyway to HELL with all that now since we're done with highschool =D well I am?
even though you couldnt make it to the party that day, I still heart you ! and yes we'll find a way to meet up even with all your crap, i'll come to sharjah one day if I have to once im back cause I dont remember the last time i saw your face -_-   felicia's house?  JUNE 10TH?
Its july 3rd now. YEAH that long.
even though we havent hung out much outside school, I still feel like I know you enough to say you're awesome =o (not as awesome as me, but you're getting there..)
your music taste ! (L)
your weird name suggestions for my turtle-to-be! (L)
your way of cheering someone up! (L)
That huge ass grin of yours! (L)

This boy was one of which who inspired me to write this blog.
And this boy I love very much !
I dont have much time to write alot, incase another powercut strikes so this is all for now.  
Miss you hadee =D we need to get wasted and have a drag soon please.

Feels good to be back home !

Srilanka Matha <3
One month's a little too long. But I guess its good to take a break sometimes, from the same 'ol dooobaai !
And this time we're travelling to the outskirts to different cities , so gives me a chance to rediscover my own country and enjoy the serene beauty , yknow stuff like that =P
Plus it just might be the last time I come here , with university this year I wont have time to be travelling around the world sooo here's to making this summer my bitch !

Prom '11

A little late but here's to one of the best memories of high school !



Feelix =D



She definitely deserved prom queen.



creep. <3



Perfect two.




Not our best picture, but I heart this girl =o