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It felt so good as the flight descended on the grounds of dubai. I couldnt contain my smile =D

I wanted to keep it under the radar to suprise my friend, naksh on her birthday buut that was a fail. I just ended up making a plan with her and we spent the day catching up.
Ive missed a month , and i couldnt be happier to be back.
But now ramadan begins.
So if you dont hear from me for a while , its because i'll be hibernating like a bear in my room mostly everyday.

Here's to catching up and camwhoring <3

Goodbye

" After a while, You'll learn the difference betwen holding a hand and falling in love.

You begin to learn that kisses dont always mean something.

Promises can be broken, just as quick as they are made.

And sometimes Goodbyes really are Forever.''

There comes a point where you miss someone so much that you can hear their voice echo in your head. And you can hear the names that they used to call you, the words they used to tell you. You memorized their laugh, their smile, & their silly ways. You can also feel their arms around you & you don’t want to let go even though you know it’s just an illusion.

Every time your phone rings, you smile because it’s them that’s calling. Every time you hear their name, your heart beats 100 times faster and sometimes, you can’t even breathe. You knew that looking back on the tears would make you laugh, but you never knew that looking back on the laughs would also make you cry. All you want is to go back in time. Not to the time that you first met, to the time that you were known as nothing, but strangers. But no matter what, you’re in denial. You hide your feeling so no one would know. You put on a fake smile and don’t let a single tear break through. You’re so used to hiding your feelings that you don’t even realize the pain you’re causing for yourself. Your thoughts becomes invisible.

 It’s still there, but no ones knows.

Like a love letter you didn’t slow.

And you’re hurting no one but yourself.

A close friend of mine always referred to the pain in love as a tooth that has just been pulled out.

Because he has been a major part of your life, of course you’ll miss him; it’s perfectly normal. It’s like getting a tooth pulled out; after the dentist pulls it out you’re relieved. But how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day.Just because it was hurting you does not mean you don’t notice it. It leaves a gap, & sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take awhile, but it takes time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you pain. Pulling the tooth was the right decision, but it’s going to hurt.

 I think everyone has a certain part of their lives where they truly wish they could just freeze time. Whether it was three years ago, today, or still to come, whether it was just a moment, a whole day, or a whole summer. Everyone has a time in their life where they wish everything would just stop. The world would stop turning & people would stop changing. because to them, at that time, everything was perfect.

Maybe not everything is supposed to last forever? So its time to let go..

Camwhoring session 2

 

Bruised and scarred

Some wounds take longer to heal than others. You know how they say when something bad happens , something good always comes along.. well im starting to doubt the good part cause all I seem to be experiencing is the negative and trust me, it sucks. Karma is it? Well whatever it is Ive lost all hope cause of it.

And with every day I feel even worse. To jump out of bed and drag my feet , felt so easy to do earlier cause I knew i had something to look forward to, I Knew my day was going to go well cause I was going to MAKE it go well either way. I was filled with a surge of postivity but now, its just not like that anymore.

I drag my feet, get out of bed for the fuck of it. I dont look forward to another lonely day..

' I was alone in the dark and the fear was my truth'

Recovery

"The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries. And it's not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it. Some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It's like you haven't recovered anything at all. You're a whole new person with a whole new life."

Brrrr.

I just had the best 4 days in the outskirts of srilanka with friends and family !

Poker nights, horse riding, walks in the morning and nights , late night movies and room service , sightseeing, hiking, mountain biking , midnight swims and soooo much more ! The place we visited was called Nuwaraeliya and it was so beautiful, the peaceful serenity and the cold weather made it even better. It was more like winter cause it was around 17-18 degrees there but I loved it either way.

There were so many other places to see but unfortunately we dint have time , but I still had fun =D

mini videoooo of all the places coming up sooooon.

Rainy days

You know how they say when you're taking a shower, the journey in the car/bus/plane and staying in on a rainy day are the times you ponder on life and make life decisions or think about things you kept locked up inside your head for a while? Well all of that is so true. I speak for myself lying on this bed under the duvet with a cup of hot chocolate to warm myself up on a rainy day.
Im not really making life decisions but yes dwelling on some old memories.
Reminiscing sometimes suck but can sometimes bring back a smile to your face just thinking about all the good times you've been through and not just the bad.
I know i've had alot of warm memories since last year, last year was a good year for so many reasons I'd rather not mention but this year is just a better year. EVEN with all the ups and downs, successes and failures, losses and gains Im still here standing through it all, whether alone or with my friends by my side.
truly, we all need our friends when times get hard but sometimes you know that you should trust no one but yourself.
Ive learnt not to depend on anyone anymore but yes, there are those few I lean on for support when times get hard cause they're always there to put that smile back on my face :)
Well what im trying to say is, thank you, to each and every one of those people who have been able to do that. I would love to start mentioning names but that'd take a whole list to do. so you all know who YOU are , need I mention <3
Its just nice to know there are some willing to sacrifice anything to just be there for you. And if that's not the case then they were never really there for you, it was just a show case they put up to seek attention and show that they were the better friend to you when really, they weren't.
I like to relate to this quote from grey's anatomy:

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."

The storm has hit

The all rising new band with the most dedicated singer ive looked up to as an idol. Even after his fallout in his career after a tragic incident where he ended up serving almost 2 and a half years in prison, now he's back and better than ever ! Its time to finally hear some REAL music =D
And the wait was definitely worth it!
Check out some of their music on this youtube chanel : http://www.youtube.com/user/xXBulletKillBreXx

Some serious camwhoring before the wedding =O

For all you lip virgins out there !

"For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything."

I wear a halo when you look at me

The red doesnt show btw hadee =P
it totally shines in the light though. Teehee.
Camwhoring ftw !

I was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings

Its so funny how one person can mean so much to you. But in their eyes you're just another friend, nothing more, nothing less. And what can you do to change that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
You just sit around and watch them live their perfect life while yours is falling apart.
You try to fill in the emptiness by someone else's presence or either a distraction but in time, even that wears off and what are you left with? back to square one again.
Misery.
Grief.
Sorrow.
Pain.
Hatred.
Any of those words seem familiar at this point ?

Unfortunately life doesnt come with a set of instructions and the directions to follow it or solutions to fix it. Whatever happens, happens.
We either run away from the face of  truth and reality or look it in the eye and say ' get the fuck out of my way, im trying to live my life! '
Giving up? thats not an option either but one can only hurt so much and in the end it seems worthless if you dont get the result or feedback you were expecting.
It takes time to move on. Its hard and its frustrating so we just let our guard down and decide to wrap it all up and give up.
Feels like im letting go.
But we'll get through this, You and I (L)
Cause no matter how much we want to give up on life, there's one thing I wont give up on ; You my friend.

When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you

When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless
When you try to speak but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you

I will stay
Nobody will break you

Trust in me, trust in me
Don't pull away
Just trust in me, trust in me
Cause I'm just trying to keep this together
Cause I could do worse and you could do better

Tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you.

In the pain there is healing..

Alcohol's my new best friend this summer.

Pain.

“Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.” - Grey's Anatomy

No matter how many times you tell yourself you're over it, that aching pain is still going to be there. How do you tell the wrong from the right? How do you know what your doing is wrong or right? are we made to function in a specific way? I dont think so.
Its okay to hurt. Its okay to feel.
But what isnt so okay is forgiving and forgetting.
Yes, sometimes that might be advisable to avoid a dispute or just to put an end to a very long worthless fight.
But sometimes its not easy to forget. We cant make ourselves forget no matter how much we want to.
And forgiving. Well, thats a whole different story.
Are you forgiving cause you sincerely mean it?
Are you forgiving to put a stop to it?
Are you forgiving cause you have no other choice?
Are you forgiving cause you're afraid to lose that someone?
Or are you forgiving cause you just dont want to believe it ever happened?
Its not an option to forgive and forget, its a choice we make.
we make that choice for the better or for the worse.

Sometimes its not the matter of if you want to or not, its that you CAN'T.
You just cant make yourself forget that horrible memory or infact forgive that person after what they've done to you.
Yes, it may seem more mature to move the hell on and forget about it all. But we all have our own ways of getting over something and moving on.
And thats when I come to my conclusion readers.
Two words.
FUCK IT.
and drink to that =D

My turtle-to-be

Isnt it adorable? =D

Dedication #1

Okay so, I've promised a million and one people to dedicate some posts on my blog for them but im going to start off with one of my favourite peeeople :*

HADEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (L)
He.be.the.best.
Bio mock preparation was truly epic with you , Hahahah THOSE DARN GRAPH QUESTIONS.
anyway to HELL with all that now since we're done with highschool =D well I am?
even though you couldnt make it to the party that day, I still heart you ! and yes we'll find a way to meet up even with all your crap, i'll come to sharjah one day if I have to once im back cause I dont remember the last time i saw your face -_-   felicia's house?  JUNE 10TH?
Its july 3rd now. YEAH that long.
even though we havent hung out much outside school, I still feel like I know you enough to say you're awesome =o (not as awesome as me, but you're getting there..)
your music taste ! (L)
your weird name suggestions for my turtle-to-be! (L)
your way of cheering someone up! (L)
That huge ass grin of yours! (L)

This boy was one of which who inspired me to write this blog.
And this boy I love very much !
I dont have much time to write alot, incase another powercut strikes so this is all for now.  
Miss you hadee =D we need to get wasted and have a drag soon please.

Feels good to be back home !

Srilanka Matha <3
One month's a little too long. But I guess its good to take a break sometimes, from the same 'ol dooobaai !
And this time we're travelling to the outskirts to different cities , so gives me a chance to rediscover my own country and enjoy the serene beauty , yknow stuff like that =P
Plus it just might be the last time I come here , with university this year I wont have time to be travelling around the world sooo here's to making this summer my bitch !

Prom '11

A little late but here's to one of the best memories of high school !



Feelix =D



She definitely deserved prom queen.



creep. <3



Perfect two.




Not our best picture, but I heart this girl =o

 



                                   

  



Hard times

This year has been such a rush. So many changes, so many losses, so many gains. With highschool finally over, and summer sweeping us far away from each other , everything is bound to change.
This past year has been a tough year. I lost alot of friends, gained many.
I dont know where to start off, but my scope for 2011 being a good year all got crushed when my best friend left me..
All those plans we made were left unfinished , I couldnt stand knowing i'll be going through my college years alone. But only to find out, I have a chance of going to UK this year...so i can meet my best friend again.
which is the only thing im looking forward to this year. And if THAT gets taken away from me and I end up staying in dubai for university im going to be devastated. Its hard to lose that one friend I always used to lean on for help, advice, a laugh, a hug , or just a talk when Im bored.
This year, i got into a lot of feuds with alot of friends. But I realised in the end, some were not worth keeeping.
They were just not worth trying hard to keep. Cause frankly, a bitch aint worth my time :)
I learnt to give chances to new people, got to know them better and im so lucky to call them my friends now! <3
This one's for youu amardeep, naksh, hadee, adeeel =D and if I missed out anyone .. nothing personal but yeah Im glad I know each and every one of you !



And in all those hard times , one thing that never failed to dissapoint me was music.

funny, those cliche sayings on the internet actually make sense sometimes

'When words fail , music speaks'